(Random side note comparison: Reading and praying daily is like drinking water. We need it in order to really survive and make it through the day. Talking to the Bishop, attending church, receiving Priesthood blessings, and reading over your Patriarchal Blessing is like taking a big dose of yummy-tasting vitamins. They contain unique nutrients that we need and re-energize us from the core on a consistent basis. Now the uber-power, like drinking a big, green smoothie, comes from General Conference. In two annual sessions, we are given a lifetime of stories, lessons, quotes, counsel, and warning that is directed at the world today. Specific answers are answered which pertain to our unique time and situation. I love conference!) Ok, random thought over. Continuing blog post...
Alright, speaking with the Bishop... Well anyways, I was given an appointment time with the Bishop and went in to discuss how life was going. Before I really dive in to my hardest life-changing year for you readers, I'll just skip to the important part. He asked if I had received a Priesthood blessing lately, and I told him I had not for a while. Quickly he jumped up, pulled out a chair, and placed his hands on my head. The spirit was so strong that just a few words into it, tears were rolling down my face. Remember how I hate to cry!? Honestly, I could not even put to words why I was suddenly crying, but what the Lord wanted to tell me brought my distressed and frustrated soul complete peace. I had learned within the past couple of months that what I may want is not necessarily what the Lord sees fit for me. I don't see the entire picture quite like He does. Knowing that I will receive an answer to my questions on where to go after graduating high school had previously brought me peace as I worked on strengthening my faith, but apparently I had been neglectful because I was in a knot of worry and frustration again. That Priesthood blessing washed away all my fears about the future.
In it, I was told that I have many good options to choose from (meaning what life path I should take come this September). As I take action and begin pursuing a certain path that I chose, I may find that it was the wrong decision....- I know, right!? I was thinking, "Hold up. I have to make a wrong choice in order to receive my answer on what is the right choice? Are you kidding me!" But then as I thought about it, I'm the kind of person who needs to know something is 100%. I have to feel the water before I can accept that somebody said it was cold. And when the Lord allows me to travel a small distance down the wrong road, all of my questions suddenly disappear and I am given complete surety on where to go. Also, I am the kind of person who wants somebody to tell me what to do, but only when I am not completely sure of the answer myself. (On the flip side, if I know what I want, get out of my way while I go get it, please) For example, say I have to choose between going to my best friend's birthday dinner or going to my niece's recital. I will beg somebody to tell me what to do. Both are great choices and both support people I care about, right? So then what is the right answer? In those types of situations, I will become so incredibly stressed over making a decision that I would rather pretend to have the flu and go to neither. But in this point of my life, the Lord is giving me a chance to really grow outside of my comfort zone. I mean REALLY grow. You know, this decision will only affect the rest of my life, so no pressure to choose the right one.
I have to make my own choice; it's as simple as that. I have to learn to push beyond the "thinking it out in my mind" stage and take action. That can be a really freaky step, I know. So many, including myself, believe that decisions are often permanent and that situations cannot be changed. I was talking to my older sister today and I brought up this point. She, too, struggled with this concept at my age. She said some of the hardest things she had to do was to tell one of her bosses that things weren't working for her or that she needed a change. I always convinced myself that once I commit to something, it is like written in the Rosetta Stone or plastered to my forehead forever. But its not! For crying out loud, people have come up with ways to remove permanent tattoos even. But don't mistake this realization for some things; if you have a family or certain obligation to someone, that commitment is eternal and I pray that you fulfill it to the best of your ability. But schools, and jobs, and ideas that once seemed great do not have to keep you in a place that makes you unhappy or unsuccessful. Keep your relationship with the Lord strong, and your faith in His timing and plan even stronger. He will lead you in the direction that will help you reach a potential beyond your small scope of vision. He created you with a divine purpose and the potential to fulfill that!
With this new-found peace and knowledge of my next step towards life after graduation, I realized that I had been living so far in the future, I have neglected what is right in front of me. For months, ever since I found the American University of Paris and got accepted, I was living 10 months ahead of now. I was planning my college experience, saving up for future expenses, dreaming of where I would live in Paris, imagining the foods I would eat and the people I would meet. Those are not bad things to think of and it is certainly not bad to plan for a successful future, but I became so distant with the "now". I was reading my scriptures everyday, but that was the extent. They were just words until, finally, I needed the answers to jump off the page at me. I began really not caring about high school (it's a mix of senioritis, too, but it got worse than that). I was so ready to ditch America and leave everyone I know behind that I thought it was silly even to entertain future plans. After all, I was going to be living in the most beautiful city on earth and nothing here would apply to me. Boy, was I wrong. I'm going to be the same person over there as I am here. I am going to need the same knowledge as I have here across the ocean. If anything, my testimony would need to be even stronger now that I'm going to live on my own! Your current life is just as important as some exciting event in the future. In order to get from A to C, you have to go through B. That could be a dry, boring part of your life like waiting to finally graduate high school and move on to college or it could be some painful time in your life and you just want it to pass already. C is great to look forward to, but A and B can't just disappear magically. Learn to love the little things now and then the little things later will be what you have to look forward to. Your gratitude and humility will grow and your life will go from having light in only some places to being full of light every day of the year. (Even for us Seattle-ites who have to deal with overcast rain nearly every day!)
One of the ways I hope this blog helps me is to do just that: make the present more clear to me and forget about what I don't know in the future; I'll get there eventually.
I hope what I have learned helps you in some way. The Jules today is very different from the Jules yesterday. Every day I find out something new about myself and everyday I am edified through the spirit as I continue upwards on the hill of life, striving to follow my Savior and Heavenly Father. I am thankful for the knowledge I have that the Lord really does have a plan for JuliaAnne Marie Cook and it's a plan that will bring me more happiness than I could ever imagine for myself. I am thankful for Bishop's who care about the people they are assigned to serve and their righteous example in using the God-given power of the Priesthood to bless people like me. I am thankful for the opportunities I have to learn and grow! I truly am. They are called trials because they are not meant to be easy, but trials are what proves our strength in the end. A strong tree is one that has withstood the storms. I know that only the strongest trees that can withstand the strongest storms are ones rooted in the foundation of Jesus Christ.
No comments:
Post a Comment